Defensive Long Gun Essentials class experience.

A few weekends ago I had the opportunity to take KR Training's Defensive Long Gun Essentials class.  This was my first formal class shooting my rifle.  I had only shot my rifle once before this class with a guy nice enough to hang out with my after one of my pistol classes to show me how to load and fire it.  Still I was very unfamiliar and uncomfortable handling and operating it when I arrived for this class.

Since I've taken several pistol classes there now and am getting into advanced coursework, one of the instructors mistakenly thought I was also experienced with a rifle and so he was holding me to a standard of someone with some rifle experience. After he barked orders at me a few times (he only did this because he thought I knew this stuff already and wanted to instill a sense of urgency in me since this was a defensive-geared class and I was falling behind) and I failed to comply repeatedly while the rest of the firing line waited, I finally just barked right back at him that I clearing didn't know how to do what he was telling me to do.  He immediately regrouped and helped/instructed me through the process I needed to learn. He totally apologized later stating he didn't realize I was a total beginner with a rifle.  It was super nice of him to stop and tell me that and I really appreciated it and it made me feel like they had taken the kid gloves off with me and that felt so awesome to think that I might actually be treated just like the guys. KR Training from my observation takes a softer approach when interacting with their female students which most gals probably really appreciate.  Me on the other hand, I just wanna be treated like one of the guys so having him take me out of my comfort zone like that was really very flattering for me personally.  

After that instruction I didn't hold up the class again (well, until my EOTech scope came flying off and the guy next to me on the line told the instructor and that stopped things again but I just tucked the scope into my duty pants pocket and flipped up the iron sights and I was good to go.  Halfway through the 3 hour class, my iron sights started coming lose too but I had a screw driver in my range bag and was able to tighten it back down. I learned from another student that I needed to invest in blue Loctite to lock the threads when tightening down anything on my rifle rails.  Lesson learned.  Luckily my EOTech wasn't broken either or that would have been a mighty expensive lesson.

My class was nearly half women which I imagine is pretty rare, and I wasn't the only novice; although, there were several students there that appeared to be quite familiar with their rifles/shotguns.  Oh, yes, this class allows you to bring whatever long gun you want (shotgun or rifle/pistol caliber carbine) so we had to wait while the shotties were reloaded but that was the only delay and frankly it was nice to be able to rest my arms while they did that. Another thing I learned is that you really need a sling for carbine classes because your arms and shoulders get a real workout holding that big ol' rifle in low ready through out a 4 hour class.  

Another thing I learned is that my fancy electronic pistol ear protection does not work for rifle target practice. I ended up having to put foam plugs in my ear canals because the butt of my gun kept kicking the thick earmuff off my rifle-side ear which would have been pretty painful if it happened while the gun was still going BANG! I have a pair of low profile lower-cost electronic muffs but I didn't bring them because I've been leaving them in my nightstand with my personal defense gun and honestly didn't realize there was a difference.  This wasn't something covered in my basic long gun class taught at the AG&AG conference unfortunately, but then again neither was the Loctite requirement on my rail-mounted rifle accessories.  

The class focuses on fast response, technique, and accuracy for relatively close quarter encounters (5yds to 20yds) with a long gun. Makes sense for a defensive class as you're not likely going to have a lot of 100+ yard defensive encounters (or even hear of them) as a civilian. I hadn't zeroed my sights or scope yet (I still don't know how to do that unfortunately) but even so I didn't have a problem hitting my targets quite accurately once I was taught the concept of holdover. Basically your long guns bullet trajectory is not a straight line (it arcs) but the line of sight targeting of your sights/scope is a straight line, so your target picture will only be right-on using the cross-hairs at two distances and the rest of the time you'll be too high or too low. If you know the distance at which your sights are zeroed and know roughly the distance of your target, you can adjust where you aim using your reticle to accurately place the intended shot at other distances.   

We learned how to properly hold and shoot our long guns, how to reload, how to properly present from cover, how to slice the pie with a long gun, why we need to be able to shoot our long guns's using either hand defensively, learned how distance plays a role in pivoting around corners/barriers, had an opportunity to clear the shoot house with a pistol-caliber carbine, learned to shoot from standing and kneeling positions from cover, and learned how to shoot quickly from high-ready and low-ready and when each technique is most effective.  I think we were supposed to learn how to clear a malfunction but I definitely don't feel like that was something I understood coming out of class (but then again getting everything the first time is pretty rare).  

I had a very positive experience yet again at KR Training.  I definitely get the impression that Karl is way more of a pistol guy than a rifle guy since there aren't a lot of rifle classes offered so I'm going to be trying other training outfits in the area to get more hands-on time with rifle work.  Unfortunately, most of the remaining classes I want to take for the first time at KR Training are scheduled while I'm in that other class, vacationing in England, or attending the National Romance Writers of America conference in San Antonio.  I know there will eventually be offered again, but I panic when I think that won't get any holster practice in the meantime.  Most of the local ranges don't allow you to draw from holster, or to rapid fire which are two really critical skills to work on at the range.  I hope I can find a way to get more time doing this before those classes come up again.

Next weekend I have my last big weekend at KR Training scheduled.  I'm taking Handgun Beyond the Basics in the morning and Competitive Pistol 1 in the afternoon.  I so so love my Saturdays learning and shooting at KR Training.  It makes me week at work fly by just looking forward to my time on the range.  

Defensive Pistol 2, AT-2 Force-on-Force Scenarios, and AT-A1 Low Light Shooting

This past weekend I attended 3 back-to-back courses out at KR Training.  Defensive Pistol 2 in the morning, Force-on-Force scenarios in the afternoon, and Low-Light shooting in the evening.

It was by far the longest day I've ever had at the range.  I got up at 6am to get out there by 7:45a.  And I wasn't packed up and to my car until 10:15p.  That's a LONG day!

The DP2 class was similar to the DP1 course, with additional complexity added in, in particular shooting from cover. It looks easy, but learning how to present around a barrier with a firearm while limiting how much of your body is visible to an active shooter is something you need to practice, a lot. KR Training recently built a shoot house in bay 3 so we had a chance to move and shoot clearing the house with paper targets, dummy targets, moving targets, and metal targets while trying to distinguish good guys from bad guys.  We each "manufactured" a double feed and learned how to recognize and clear it.  We also practiced swapping mags. Because I'd performed so dismally in my Simunition class at the AG&AG Conference, I'd practice for 3 straight nights during my dry fire time just dropping mags, grabbing mags from my belt, seating mags and racking the slid.  I actually broke a blood vessel in the heal of my hand the third night from seating a sticky mag too hard too many times and I ended up working with an injured hand on Saturday.  But my mag swaps were noticeably better on the line and Karl singled me out for the first time ever with a "Good!"  Woot!

The AT-2 Force-on-Force scenarios class was all about working through encounters with other people in dynamic (semi-scripted) roll playing with Airsoft guns. We were all outfitted in protective gear which KR Training provided along with the Airsoft guns themselves. Some were indoors and others were out in the shoot house. We learned additional skills like slicing the pie and understanding how angle and distance from the pivot point play roles in what you and the target can see in those situations. This work was very different because there were many variables to take into account and there were many potential outcomes with varying degrees of "successful resolution." In the dynamic scenarios, it was really shocking to find myself not reacting the way I knew I should react. I remember thinking, what the hell are you doing standing here, that dude is pointing a gun at that other guy, why aren't you running away and yet I stood there quite dumbfounded .  It was really eye opening to see how incongruent what I KNEW I'd do and what I ACTUALLY did really were!  This coursework was also really helping in practicing how to evaluate an encounter and to determine the level of threat, the type of threat, the appropriate reaction, and typical traps that you can to learn to avoid. We also had a chance to use improvised weapons and it was amazing to see how doing so could reset the OODA loop and buy you time. It was invaluable, all of it.

The AT-A1 Low-Light Shooting class is where we learned about the various ways to hold a flashlight with a handgun, how to use a flashlight in a way that made you less of an easy target to an active shooter, and also incorporated the use of cover and moving around barriers and even laying under barriers.  I'd never shot from a prone position before.  It takes some getting used to.  We also had a chance to clear the shoot house at night. At the end, I was so tired I had a hard time keeping disciplined to aiming well and pressing my shots instead of slapping the trigger.  In fact, my very biggest issue is definitely trigger management. I need to take time at the range and just work on this.  It really is the biggest thing between being a mediocre shooter and a good shooter.  The disparity of my dry fire work from my live fire work is growing because I'm not getting to the range to practice firing as much as I do dry firing.  Practice should be 5 to 1 I think they said.  But I'm not 50 and never doing the 1 until I take another KR Training class.

I'm really bummed because the courses I want to take next are all scheduled when I'm taking classes elsewhere, am vacationing in England, or attending the national writer's conference in San Antonio.  I'm a bit panicked that I won't be going to the range every other weekend so I may actually have to force myself to go out to a local range and do drills on my own like I'm supposed to be doing.  Dry fire is only going to take me so far.

A Girl & A Gun Conference 2014

When I started on my quest to write a novel, I wanted a female heroine that was tough. Eve Dallas tough. But I didn't want to make her a cop so instead I decided she'd be a competitive shooter raised by an ex-spec-ops dad and surrounded by gun-totin' alpha-males growing up on the ranch where her dad made his living now, a tactical training ranch. Once I figured that out, I thought I'd done the difficult part, but I was in for a rude awakening.

There was so little online about what I needed to know for my book and even less related to women. So after a few ridiculous emails to dudes that actually work in those tactical training ranches (can you say "No Joy"?), it became clear to me that the only way I was going to learn what I needed to know was to do what I always do. Yep, you got it, I took a class and another class, and another class.

While I'm finally just now getting into classes advanced enough to be relevant to the things my heroine should know, what I've found, or stumbled into, is that this whole world that opened up for me is something that I truly love and I'm actually halfway decent at it too. 

Although I started off on the wrong foot, I eventually found a trainer that not only met my expectations, he exceeded them.  (Yes, that'd be Karl Rehn at KR Training).  And after my first day of training with him, I actually had the confidence to sign up for the AG&AG Conference up in Waco, Texas.  I didn't know anyone going. But that didn't stop me. 

It was the second annual conference and attendance TRIPLED this year.  Over 300 women attended the 5 day conference. Tiger Valley hosted the range portion supporting over 20 live-fire courses and the conference hall supported over 35 non-fire courses. There was everything from aerial gunnery (shooting short-barreled, suppressed firearms typically restricted to military personnel while flying in the same type helicopters the military and SWAT teams use) down to very basic entry level no-experience-required classes for those who'd never held a rifle before. There was truly something for everyone that attended.

I brought a box of parts I purchased from Brownells to one class and 4 hours later I had a fully functional AR-15 to take home with me.  All the tools were provided along with expert instruction, thanks to J.J. Schroeder from Brownells. J.J. even helped me after the conference to put together my tool order so that I could start with some high quality basic gunsmith tools from Brownells.   

I also learned how to prepare and operate a reloading press to produce my very own ammo by the gals at Barnes Bullets, Coni Brooks and Jessica Brooks-Stevens.  I didn't win the reloading equipment donated by RCBS, but that just gives me an excuse to put a progressive press on my wishlist!  (They used inert powder and strikers, allowing it to be performed in the conference hall.)  When I brought home the fired bullet "flower" keychain, my husband was so impressed with it that we bought some Barnes pre-made ammunition.

I also took a Simunition Simulator course taught by Tamara Shelley called Shooting and Moving which was taught in the conference center. Tamara did a great job of forcing us to swap mags in every single exercise we did. We students took turns recording one another as we each went through the increasingly more complex scenarios she had us work through and afterward reviewing my video, I was appalled at how long it took me to swap my magazines!  To my defense, all of the guns she provided were Glocks, and since I'm a Walther Woman, not a Glock Girl, I really struggled with the thumb mag release (yes, I'm a paddle-lovin' PPQ princess).  But that's for another blog entry.  It was a great way to learn without the added stress of live fire.  Yet another tool in the toolbox! 

Because of my classes with Karl and my late registration, I was a bit over-prepared for the track in which I was placed for range work.  But Vicki Kawalmacher (Women's Shooting Academy) and Tracy Hughes did an AMAZING job with the time they were given to teach those of us in the Purple Track. Tracy even had us running and shooting by the end of her class, and I was allowed to run and shoot one-handed with my secondary hand which was really difficult with Tiger Valley's aerial drone buzzing over my head distracting me at the time. I had an opportunity or two to teach some of the new gals things that Karl taught me and I can see the allure of getting into firearm instruction. Just seeing their faces light up when they learned something that helped them was awesome! I met a few ladies from the San Antonio chapter that basically took me under their wing for the rest of the conference. They made my solo-event into a social-event. Thank you, SA Chapter ladies!!  

I also took Karl's Tune Up Skills class but I didn't realize at the time that this was all going to be refresher material for me.  It was still worth it because I learned about the Tap Rack Training Aid by HolsterOps.com which I purchased when I got home. Now I can rack the slide while dry firing without it locking the slide open. Woot!!  

I won a pink MOLLE (MOdular Lightweight Load Equipment) backpack from Voodoo Tactical.  Walking around with it, I think if I still had my long blonde extensions I'd feel like "Tactical Barbie". But I seriously want to get the Voodoo Tactical MOLLE rifle case, already added it to my wishlist, although I'll get it in black, to match my range bag. 

My major splurge during the conference was the SureStrike laser dry fire training system. It adapts a firearm into a SIRT trainer (laser points when trigger is pulled),  It inserts into the barrel of the gun. LASR software can be customized to run different timed simulations and records your shot placement and shot time.  It comes with adapters for 9mm, .40ACP, and .223. I may have to buy a Glock since that is the only reset trigger kit they offer to allow you to pull the trigger multiple times.  I haven't tried it yet but maybe the TRT I bought will work with it?  I need t buy a USB camera for my computer so I can get this set up and try it out! 

I really wasn't sure what to expect from the conference, but it was such a positive experience that I already know without a doubt that I'll return next year as long as it's hosted some place warm.  Hopefully I'll be in the green track or maybe even the orange track by then!

My MAG-20 Experience

Invariably, when you bring up the topic of conceal carry or handguns training in general in social circles, the conversation circles around to the topic of "So what are you supposed to do in this situation or that situation?"  What if a guy with a vicious dog is running at you snarling? What if there is a guy in your backyard breaking into your shed?  What if some guy starts beating on your car window in a mall parking lot? What if your attacker is unarmed? What if there are more than one of them? What if? What if. what if.

Yes, it is important to think of scenarios and how you'd react to them, especially if you have your conceal carry permit.  But for me until a few weekends ago, the decision making for those situations was very abstract, nebulous and largely undefined.  And I'm not just talking in terms of what was floating around in my head on the subject but also in terms of the information shared with me by others, even firearm instructors. Whether spoken with vibrato and/or out of ignorance, the information I received outside of my MAG-20 class related to this subject was largely wrong. Dead wrong.

Coming out of Massad Ayoob's MAG-20 course, "A two-day, 20-hour immersion course in rules of engagement for armed law-abiding private citizens, emphasizing legal issues, tactical issues, and aftermath management.", I strongly believe that anyone with the constitution to conceal carry should at a bare minimum take this class.

This wasn't a class on the mechanics of firearm safety; although, that was certainly touched upon.  This wasn't a class on technique either which was also addressed,.  This class was, primarily and most importantly. about the psychology of shooting in self-defense, the mindset, the decision making, the criteria by which those decisions are evaluated, and navigating the very real and present dangers to yourself and your loved ones after you've acted to protect yourself and/or others. 

It's a topic rarely addressed. This is likely due to a number of reasons including: the diversity in the related laws established from state to state across this nation, the diversity in how various courts interpret those laws from one case to the next, a general lack of certainty/personal knowledge on the topic by those in a position to communicate it en masse, and the general social climate surrounding firearms today paired with concern of liability by inadvertently providing legal advice. However, it is understood by me, especially after taking this class, that it is ESSENTIAL that this be addressed in depth by ALL law-abiding people who carry a firearm for personal protection before they find themselves in an encounter requiring force. To not educate yourself is irresponsible.

While I cannot go into the details of what was specifically taught in this course, due to its proprietary nature, I can tell you that it has completely changed how I view personal self-defense.  It took me from a place of uncertainty where I was ill-equipped to protect myself effectively from a psychological perspective and moved me into a mindset of preparedness.  Ahead of me I have a LOT of classes to take and a lot of training to master to be where I now know I need to be if I intend to be both mentally and physically ready the way Massad Ayoob teaches.

I want to be safe just like everyone else does. After taking this class, I feel I've been given the tools to act as safely as possible in our dangerous world. Having that peace of mind is something you can't put a price on. Take Massad's class if you have the opportunity and you'll know exactly what I mean.

Borderlands 2 Resurrected

I don't seem to have as much time to game as I used to, what with trying to write a book and all the classes I take. Or it could just be that Borderlands 2 ruined me. Nothing really compares after having played that game. Hell, I even got out of a speeding ticket once because I said I was late for work because I stayed up so late gaming that I over slept. The officer asked me what game.  When I said Borderlands 2 he said he couldn't very well give me a ticket for that, issued me a warning, and muttered "I wish MY wife played video games" as he walked back to his squad car.  I loved, loved, LOVED that game and played the shit out of Maya. We did also play Warframe's open beta which was very very fun especially in large groups, but it wasn't something that I enjoyed playing solo.  Borderlands 2 however was something I could play with or without Jason, I loved it that much . The writing, the art, the game design, the balance, the weapons, the loot and it's co-op feature. Shit, it was about as close to nirvana as I've experienced in gaming.

To be fair, while working at Trion Worlds, I played a fair amount of Defiance too and really had a genuine blast playing that game.  Still not sure why it got such bad reviews, I think it tried to be too much to too diverse a group (trying to deliver a sci fi MMO shooter to both the console FPS crowd AND the PC MMORPG  crowd).  Funny how both groups complained about the exact opposite shit.  LOL

A while back Jason asked me to play Guild Wars 2 again, since we'd like playing it initially when it first came out. We did play it again and I got bored pretty quickly. So this girl that once adored MMORPGs and found Battlefield 2 to be mass chaos was now underwhelmed by the RPG and wanted more game-play action than simple key-mashing.  Hmmm, I wonder if target practice at the range for realz had anything to do with that? Prolly.

The problem for me now is that most First Person Shooters are PVP and I'm just not willing do deal with the ever-present 15 year old jack-ass that is going to following me around in game fucking with me once he finds out I'm a chick.  Nope, not happenin'.  So I wait for co-op shooter games to play with Jason and those are few.  Diablo III was awesome.  Borderlands 2 was legendary.  Some of the other games have "some" co-op content but Jason and I can burn through that shit fast which leaves with nothing to play.  So I just stopped playing.

Until last night.  Jason informed me that he needed reference of Maya doing her phase lock ability in Borderlands 2 and that he wasn't able to find any images online that weren't first person and he needed to actually see Maya. Which means....yep, you got it....I had to play Borderlands with him again. Unfortunately, he deleted the game off his gaming system but I hadn't off mine so I ran the patch and was in game last night. Steams says I had 92 hours logged on Borderlands 2.  That's a lot of time for me.  It was cool playing again.  I was just running around in the world, not questing or anything, but there was stuff to shoot. In a recent shooting class they were talking about the importance of muscle memory.  That point was illustrated to me when I was running along and monsters tried to gank me.  I didn't really think about it.  I turned and zoomed to reticle and shot, running backward, circle-strafing the enemy, reloading, and shooting some more.  I wasn't oh no, what key do I press, it was pure muscle memory.  Someday I want to be able to do that with my target practice with REAL guns!!!

Point is, Jason was able to get me back playing games last night using some excuse about needing art reference that was rock solid.  Of course I had to help him.  And since he didn't get it loaded and patched last night, we're going to have to play here again real soon.  Oh man that's sooo hard to take! LOL

I just don't understand why GearBox up in DFW isn't working on Borderlands 3 yet.  They need to get on that shit and quick!!!

Formal Basic Pistol Training

Last Saturday, I attended my first formal pistol training.  I figured after going to the range four times with my friend, Becca, and subsequently going to a CHL class, that I should probably get some formal training before I developed any bad habits.  My hubby did the online research on local handgun training and registered me for a Basic Pistol 2 class at KR Training.

I'd felt pretty self-conscious at my CHL class back in October because of the way they treated us girls on the range.  Where the instructors were really friendly and talkative to the guys taking the class, they basically ignored us girls socially. While no one was inappropriate or mean, I certainly didn't feel welcome or encouraged to ask questions or take more classes.

Since I knew I wanted more instruction prior to sending in my application, I never sent in my paperwork to get my license.  I just didn't want to subject myself to the same treatment as my CHL class, so I basically stalled out and forgot about it.  Luckily Jason took the lead in finding another range for me to try out.  I'm guessing he knew how hesitant I actually was, not wanting to be treated like an outcast again on the range, so he signed me up and THEN told me about it.  Once I'm committed to something, I follow through.  He knows me well.

I wasn't sure I was qualified to skip Basic Pistol 1 but Jason said that since I got a score of 249 on my CHL range test after not having fired my gun in nearly 10 months, that he thought I was fine skipping to the Basic 2 class. I read everything I could on the KR Training website, learned about the A Girl & a Gun conference from that site, signed up for AG&AG membership, registered for the AG&AG Conference, read everything I could find on the AG&AG website, learned about IDPA and USPSA classifications from the AG&AG conference tracks, resulting in my signing up for IDPA and USPSA and NRA memberships as well.  At this point I was starting to grasp just how much I didn't know, and felt a little like I'd just grabbed the bull by the tip of his tail.  Still, I was committed, and once I'm committed, I follow through.  So I showed up one week later for my first formal pistol class.

The range (A-Zone Range) is about an hour outside Austin. My instructor was Karl Rehn (the "K.R." in KR Training).  There were 14 people in my class, and we were split up into groups of 7 for target/range work. There was a good mix of skill levels, gender, age, etc. among our student body.  The classroom portions were well thought out, formal enough to make sure all the information was covered and informal enough where you felt comfortable asking a question midstream if you needed clarification.  There were several assistant instructors that assisted in the classroom and range exercises. Every single representative I encountered at KR Training interacted with me and they all were friendly, extremely knowledgeable, safety conscious, passionate about firearms and equally passionate about teaching their knowledge to their students. They weren't dry boring classroom sessions either. I had fun learning even before we hit the range.

When we got to the range, safety was paramount.  Everything was organized, the instructors were easy to hear even with ear protection on, the exercises were very structured and administered with a great instructor:student ratio.  There was always someone right there when I had a question or concern or when I was doing something wrong. Corrections (every student made an error at some point or another) were done appropriately and with professionalism. In the Defensive Pistol class, where things were more stressful on the students, the stress was intentionally imposed on the students in an attempt to simulate (to a much lesser degree) the real-world stress of a defensive shooting scenario and the variability of such an encounter. The stress helped demonstrate to each student just how difficult a defensive shooting incident might be and what we need to learn, know and practice to be prepared and effective.

I came away from that day at A-Zone Range so happy, exhausted mentally and physically, with way WAY more knowledge than I expected to get in a single day, with a solid understanding of what I was doing wrong, how to correct those things, and a bunch of new skills and drills to practice, and with more confidence and passion for target-shooting my handgun at the range. KR Training truly exceeded my expectations all the way around. Not only did I learn a lot and have a great time, but they encouraged me to take more classes and made me feel welcome and valued as one of their students.

I am so thankful to Jason for finding this training for me and for the encouragement he continues to show for my joy of target shooting and firearms.  I'm hoping to take a basic rifle class next of course at KR Training.

The Cycle of Pet Ownership

Shortly after I write my last blog entry, our GSD, Abby, took a turn for the worse.  The vet had taken her off antibiotics without doing a followup x-ray and within 3.5 days she was back in respiratory distress.  We got authorization then to see a specialist but by that time she was in congestive heart failure.  The vet didn't really know why she went into congestive heart failure.  Speculation brought up several scenarios for a cause but there seemed no avenue to determine the actual cause of the pneumonia turned congestive heart failure. Although the vet specialist seemed to want us to euthanize Abby once her cardiac status was determined, we requested that they drain the fluid around her heart to relieve the compression and have them look for tumors which they didn't find.  There really was no explanation to be had.  The vet specialist said it was likely hemangiosarcoma, a form of extremely aggressive cancer that attacks the blood vessels typically involving the spleen but also the heart, liver, lungs and other areas.  Within 3 days Abby was back to the earlier acute respiratory distress so, with encouragement from our vet, we had Abby euthanized.  Putting down any animal is tough, but putting down a dog that you love, that doesn't understand why you can't make them better, or what you're about to do to  them, well, that is pretty gut wrenching stuff. When you're unable to make them better, to help them, to act in any manner that has a positive outcome, it is extremely difficult to cope. And when you have to say goodbye to another living being, especially when its premature, you always feel robbed, for them and for yourself. I believe that you give a piece of yourself to those you love (human, dogs, whatever), and when they die they take that with them, a piece of you via the bonds of love. The emptiness we feel is intense after that kind of loss. We do our best to grieve and carry on. And with the case of dog owners, at least with me, for a split second I wonder why on earth I continue to willingly put myself through this cycle of introduction, attachment, love and loss with each new dog that I adopt.  But then I try to imagine living a life that isn't shared with dogs and, well, that doesn't seem like a life I'd enjoy very much. And so I cry and try to remember the good: the safe, secure, happy, loving home I was able to provide to a discarded/abused dog and the pure, simple, joyous companionship and love they shared in return.  Abby is not the first dog that I've grieved over and she likely won't be my last, but she sure does have a special place in my heart and in my memories.  What a special girl.  How much I adored her.  How very much I miss her.

And then we begin the process of filling out adoption applications to get pre-approved for our next rescue dog.  One with an entirely different story, different personality, different needs, different gifts but still with that same eventual offering of unconditional love and companionship and such appreciation for a soft bed, a bowl of food, good care and the love and security our pack offers in return.

I just wish they lived longer.

2013 - The Synopsis

This year really flew by for me.  Jason found a video game job in Austin early in the year and left Denver to return home finally. I was laid off from my first video game job in August which is sort of a right of passage in this industry as I've learned from Jason. Unfortunately I wasn't able to find another Austin-based game job so I went back into contracting doing database analysis and design work.  I get to work from home 3 days per week with my current contract which totally makes it worth it.

We had a big scare recently with Abby, our German Shepherd.  She developed pneumonia again like she did a few years ago.  We caught it earlier this time but she hasn't responded as quickly to meds as she did last time. We thought we were going to lose her last week she was in such bad shape, but after bringing her home and nursing her back ourselves, she finally appears to be turning around. I am still back in care-giver mode, like my years with Nick, checking temps, giving neb treatments, giving injections, doing chest PT, checking poop, monitoring food and fluid intake. It has brought up a lot of difficult things for me personally but it's all worth it seeing her getting better and better each day.  She still has a mass in her lung and we're waiting to see if her lungs clear up or if there is something else going on with that one lung that is causing this.  Keeping our fingers crossed.

Besides the replacement of our downstairs toilets, painting the master bath, a few ceiling fans and finishing Jason's game room shelving/lighting, we haven't done much in terms of home improvements this year.  Nearly all of our landscaping died due to the ongoing drought and a tree felled by strong winds.  We had a sprinkler system installed last year but we still haven't replaced the landscaping. That's top of my list for next year before it gets too hot.

I've been busy as usual taking classes on anything and everything under the sun.  I took a CHL handgun class, a couple glass-blown ornament classes, a hand-built pottery class, airbrush painting classes, leather working classes, novel writing classes, silver soldering class, and dance lessons (swing, salsa, two-step, etc). And of course I was busy doing all sorts of weaving, and beading, and crochet, and knitting, and quilting, and chainmaille, and viking knitting, and leather working, and writing, and sewing, and basketry, and sculpting and even learned a little bit about 3D digital modeling!  

As my hair continues to fall out, I finally decided to ditch the extensions and cut off my long hair yet again. The first time I did this, although I asked for a edgy short cut, I consistently got "soccer mom" cuts.  I hated it and finally decided to foot the bill for extensions to get my long hair back.  But the thinning hair made extensions no longer viable so I had to take the plunge again.  Fortunately, this time, I had a fearless stylist and she gave me this crazy awesome asymmetrical cut that I absolutely love. I get a lot of strange looks but also some very cool comments. One of my friends said I'm the only person she knows that could pull that haircut off.  LOL.  Not long after I got it, Jennifer Lawrence cut off her hair in something pretty similar so it's all good.  

Jason and I played video games together: Defiance, Warframe, and Path of Exile.  I played PoE a little on my own, but nothing compared to my time spend last year on Borderlands 2.  We've watched a ton of films together and also listened to Ender's Game start to finish as we drove from Denver to Austin when he moved back home.  I've read a ton of books, but I'm learning that I can read a book on Audible at triple speed (I wish they offered 4x speed actually) and get through way more books that I can "read" read instead of "listen" read. I read slow but have very high reading comprehension scores.  I apparently have off the charts audio comprehension skills though because what sounds totally understandable (and sometimes not even fast enough) to me, Jason says sounds like the Chipmunks. I love that I can read fast like my super smart genius friends now but Audible books are way more expensive than Kindle books.  Sigh.

I still haven't completed my first novel.  It's a joke at this point.  I took a class that was called Book in a Week (BIAW) and it really did help get me through some difficult parts of my book, but the class started the very week I started my new job so the conflict simply didn't allow me to dedicate the time to the class and my writing that I'd have liked.  Hopefully I can take the class again, because it seems that class-imposed sense of urgency, and daily required reporting of words (count) written, really worked for me.  I still have a huge huge fear of failure when it comes to my story telling abilities so this will continue to be my Achilles heel. 

My plans for 2014?  More classes of course (pottery on the wheel, airbrushing, and mosaic classes for starters and hopefully BIAW again and maybe even a piano class since I'm just self-taught or learning a second language sounds fun!), more reading (forever looking for romance authors who know how to write a bad-ass female...not "kind of" assertive/strong, but STRONG women), more writing (PLEASE, let it come!) landscaping replaced and irrigation system repaired (mowers broke a few), reorganization of the office/spare room (which has been a total disaster area for over two years now), getting an electrician out here to wire up an outlet in the garage for my kiln (long, long overdue), getting the garage emptied out so that we can park in there again (and so I can use my kiln safely) which includes selling the practically new front-loading washer and dryer I didn't like, and setting up the daybed I bought for the office/spare room.  Hopefully we'll travel to Oregon again next summer.  I'd love to meet my new niece up in Wisconsin too (my brother's 3rd child).

My wish list (it's the exact same this year as it has been the past few years since the only things I really want are insanely, and I'm mean insanely expensive. I'd really like to find a folding floor loom that I like better than my current Ashford 8 shaft loom or alternatively find some sort of weights that I can attach to the base of the shaft frames since the Texsolv heddles are not heavy enough to create an effective shed (the lower half has little tension and the shuddle falls through too easily when weaving standard tabby let along anything like a waffle weave. My dream would be to get an 8-shaft Schacht Mighty Wolf or Baby Wolf loom with stroller.  I'd also love to finally get my hands on a long-arm quilting machine and frame for a king size quilt.  I now have 2 completed quilt tops that I need to quilt.  Perhaps I'll look up the gal in Round Rock with a couple Gammill Classics that she rents time on and see if I can try that option again.  Less than ideal but better than having unquilted quilt tops just sitting around for years. Hopefully there will be a few good games released this year that Jason and I can play together and many movies to enjoy together too.  And maybe I'll make it into the gym this year so that I can resolve my chronic dislocated rib once and for all!  I am such a good couch crafter/potato though, I get so much accomplished while watching movies or listening to audio books while crafting on my couch. :)

A Grieving Parent's Tribute

Today is the second anniversary of my son's death.  Nick would be 21 now.  I hadn't really thought about it yesterday.  I started a new job this week, so I've been pretty busy.  That's probably a good thing, keeping my mind active on other things.  But I woke up around 3 am and haven't been able to sleep.  Crying a lot. No surprise. And when I'm sad, I write poetry. This one came out sounding like an old country song to me, well, without a chorus. Here's my poem:

A Grieving Parent's Tribute
It's a parents worst nightmare
Standing over their child's grave
There are no words of comfort
No sanity to save

It brings you to your knees
with every breath you take
each little thing reminding you
your heart relives the break

You swim around in darkness
and wrestle with the why's
there is no answer, not this time
not one that satisfies

The pieces that remain 
you pick up and try to hold
play the hand you've been dealt
trying so hard not to fold

Life goes on, it speeds right by
you try to catch your breath
the whole world seems so callous
what's one more senseless death

As the years go by without them
you make a point to say their name
you think of them and it still hurts
but you do it just the same

Some say God only gives you
a load that you can bear
that doesn't seem to make much sense
it doesn't seem quite fair

Some say your child's an angel now
like that makes it okay
to love someone so precious
and have them ripped away

But if there is a reason
it's what they left behind
you feel it deep within you
the strongest love to bind

It changes your very core
for good or bad, a choice
one path leads to bitterness
the other to be their voice

They'd want you to be happy
to forgive yourself and live
they'd want you to find peace of mind
a place where you can give

Dig down deep within you
find the sense among the strife
live each day a gift to them
a tribute to their life

My Job Search Advice

I was laid off a few Fridays ago and had to dive head first into job hunting the following Monday.  Because I was a consultant for many years at the beginning of my career, I was actually pretty well prepared to switch gears quickly and found another really good local database data modeling job in less than 2 weeks. Although I certainly feel I was fortunate, I believe it was less about luck and more about being prepared and knowing how to go about getting a job.  

Today, an old buddy of mine reconnected with me and asked for my advice on searching for a new job. After I replied to his email with my advice, I realized there are probably other people out there that might appreciate my perspective. Keep in mind that this guy and I both have over 20 years experience doing what we do and that we're technical computer/database geeks (so some of this won't pertain to junior professionals or unskilled folks).  Here is the advice I provided.  I hope you find it helpful.

1) Update your resume. While I offered to give him a copy of my resume, instead here I'll provide basic resume hints but there are tons of examples online for you to use as inspiration.  Include your technical skills, your work history (including your job title and the technical skills you were required to know for that job), your education history, and describe yourself in terms that a hiring manager will find desirable (this may need to be revised for different jobs you're applying for), your name and contact information.

2) Update your LinkedIn profile to include stuff in your resume. Search Linked In profiles of other to get ideas of what to include in your profile. Solicit old and current co-workers for recommendations.
4) Prepare a general cover letter that you can fine tune for each job that you apply for. There are lots of examples online, but I try to convey my passion for database work so that it doesn't sound too dry or generic.
5) Look for jobs on LinkedIn, GlassDoor, Monster, Dice, TheLadder. Look for jobs posted on the career pages of all the major employers in your locale. Do the same with each of the consulting firms/temp agencies in town.
6) When emailing, include your LinkedIn profile in your signature. Accept all LinkedIn invites from recruiters. The more your LinkedIn profile is looked at, the higher chance you'll get approached for a potential job by recruiters. Use LinkedIn exclusively as a social network of professional people that can help you get a job either by recruiter, recommending, being in the same industry, etc.  This is not the place to post pics with your friends at the bar...use facebook and instagram for that type of shenanigans :)
7) Keep a communication log of each job you apply for, including the date, the person, the company, the job title, the pay rate (this is especially important if you're more flexible with your pay rate and agree to different proposed rates for different job opportunities).  I also keep a separate email address strictly used for recruiter correspondence.
8) Be positive (don't talk trash about your last job, how many idiots you work with, etc.), smile when you talk to recruiters on the phone (they'll hear that you're smiling, no shit I'm serious), be confident, show off your great verbal communication skills, make them excited to pitch you to the client/hiring manager, help them feel confident that you're the right person for the job. 
9) Think about who you can use as references, make sure these people have recent exposure to your abilities, have them in a range of perspectives (a manager, a colleague, a subordinate, someone from another part of the business that interacts with you). These people should be articulate, professional, and also people you trust to represent your interests. Get their permission and prepare a page with their info, but only provide it if and when asked. 
10) Determine culture and dress of company prior to showing up for interview. Dress slightly better than their standard office attire at that office. Too much better (or worse) and you'll look and feel like a bad fit to them when you walk in the room. 
11) Talk in terms of how you fit their needs. If you can, talk with language that subtly sounds like you've already been chosen for the position and how excited you are about joining the team so they feel how fun you are to work with (you are fun to work with, remember!!).
12) At the end of the interview, try to call out the points you think will really set you apart from the others interviewing, the things they will really desire based on the issues they've share with you about the role, and help them see what a great find you are.
13) After each interview, send a thank you email to the hiring manager and the recruiter (barring an unknown email address) that reiterates why you think you're a good fit and make sure to make it clear you definitely want the job.  

Good luck!