Car Color Personality Profile Theory

I often note odd little associations between seemingly unrelated things.  Sometimes those associations are entirely coincidental.  Other times, ongoing observation reinforce those associations, then developing into the basics of a personal theory.

One of my oddest personal theories relates to the color of a person's primary vehicle and how that may correlate to some degree to personality profiles.  I've shared this little theory of mine informally over  beer with friends a few times and more often than not, they comment days later that they think there's something to my theory.  It's pretty ridiculous, I'll grant you that, but here it is.

First, this only applies to people that actually chose the color of the car they drive.  If, for example, price is the primary factor in a car purchase, say, on an extremely limited budget (where car color doesn't play a factor), this theory really isn't applicable. Or if the color you want isn't on the lot or isn't offered for that model, then the theory isn't applicable. This thang is specific to people that intentionally picked their car color, not picked by their spouse or parent, but them. So here are the car colors and the personality attributes that I've learned to associate with their drivers:  There is absolutely zero science in this, just associations I've made over the years with the people I know and the color cars that they drive.

BLACK CAR DRIVERS (AGGRESSIVE) - These are your proverbial Type A personalities.  Aggressive, driven, status-conscious, impatient, competitive, and most prone to "road rage."  If there are two lanes at a traffic-lighted intersection, each lane with a single car stopped at the red light, if one of those cars is black, it will likely make better time off the line (response) and go faster (speed) than the car in the other lane.  If you cut this car off, pull in front of them going slower than they are, or otherwise impede their progress, they are most likely to respond aggressively either by passing you or flipping you off, or both.  These drivers are often control-freaks.  Lots of executives drive black vehicles.

WHITE CAR DRIVERS (ARROGANT) - There are two personality camps here.  Up north (colder weather) the personality is slightly different than that of the southern driver.  The northern white car driver personality is arrogant, selfish and they generally think they are better than others, looking down their nose at others and tend to put themselves first. The southern white car driver personality will have all of their northern counterparts but in some cases will actually be more aggressive like a black car driver (when asked, those people often admit they like black cars better but don't find they're practical with the southern heat/sun).  In both cases, these drivers are the most likely to pull out in front of a driver going faster than themselves, to cut people off, to butt in line, stop in the middle of the road some some unknown reason and otherwise innately put themselves (and their vehicle) first regardless of driver etiquette (black car drivers will do the same but typically only after being inconvenienced by another driver or to intentionally be a dick).  Even when at fault, white car drivers are more likely to blame the other driver.

CHAMPAGNE CAR DRIVERS (URBANE ARROGANT) - These are white car drivers that think of themselves as a bit more refined and sophisticated.  Often also have black car driver attributes.

SILVER CAR DRIVERS (SMOOTH) - These are your silver-tongued personalities, socially-adept, easy to like when first met, skillful at persuasion and politically effective. They are seldom in your face, confrontational, or overtly direct. Difficult to know how they feel as they hold their emotions close. Hard to truly get to know these people as they are more likely to ask questions of others than to offer information about themselves. Driving style is mixed.

BLUE CAR DRIVERS (CONFORMIST) - These people just want to fit in with the crowd, to be part of the general group, accepted, and will not want to rock the boat or draw much attention to themselves. Driving style is mixed.

RED CAR DRIVERS (LOOK AT ME CONFORMIST) - These are blue car drivers that want to draw positive attention to themselves.  They say "look at me!" while still wanting to be accepted by the pack. Driving style is mixed.

YELLOW CAR DRIVERS (LOOK AT ME) - These are first and foremost people screaming for attention.  They are often idealists. Some times zealots. Are often unpredictable drivers.

GREEN CAR DRIVERS (LONER) - This group I know the least about but that is likely because they like it that way. Driving style is conservative.

ORANGE CAR DRIVERS (?) - Don't know any orange car drivers.

BROWN CAR DRIVERS (?) - Similar to champagne car drivers but don't know many brown car drivers.

PURPLE CAR DRIVERS (PROMISCUOUS) - These are your more promiscuous personalities. Driving style is mixed.

PINK CAR DRIVERS (MARY KAY/BARBIE/HELLO KITTY LOVER?) - I really don't associate with these folk; however, they likely have problems.

This is really silly and I'm almost embarrassed to put this in print, but I'm bored and wanted to write a blog entry.  So there you go.

First Impressions

Perhaps my biggest ally...AND my biggest enemy is my first impression.  They say that first impressions are all important.  That when we meet someone for the first time, we determine in very short order how we've sized that person up.  In my case, I've been told on numerous occasional by plenty of people that I make a, well, formidable, for lack of a better word, first impression.  Now in a job interview, legal, or professional venue, this serves me quite well.  I apparently come off as intelligent, self-confident, competent, assertive, driven, strong and direct.  Okay, well that sounds good, I suppose.

But now I'm meeting the neighbor lady who is a stay-at-home mom with a slew of kids in tow, and I think that assessment of the first impression becomes less "intelligent, self-confident, competent, assertive, driven, strong and direct" and more "know-it-all, arrogant, better-than-everyone-else, bossy, over-achieving, over-bearing, and pushy" first impression.  I've always wished that I could change this about myself.  Wishing that I could tone down my forceful personality to suit the receptive energies of the audience that was before me, however, isn't going to change anything.  I tend to alienate myself from people unknowingly.  Perhaps it is a protection mechanism that I developed and honed because of how brutally shy I was as a young person especially since we moved every year or two? Perhaps I am trying to present myself as strongly as possible out of fear of rejection?  Perhaps I internalized the same behavior I saw in my mother? I don't know.

It was never so strikingly clear to me, the impact my first impression had on those I met, as it was after my ex-husband and I separated after a 15-year marriage.  It was a devastating experience for me, and I lost my emotional footing for several weeks.  During that time, I noted that strangers that I met were so much friendlier to me.  Not just friendly, but open, helpful, happy, nice, and they even interacted with me longer.  It was the oddest experience, to have people act so nice to me.  I was perplexed, but with the emotional rug pulled out from underneath me as it was, I didn't have the personal resources to really look at it in depth at the time.  As I started healing/recovering, people started behaving normally when I met them again...more abrasive, less warm and friendly, more closed, more rigid, and briefer interactions.  It totally bummed me out.  I would love to be able to change that first impression back to that time, but without the emotional breakdown of course.

The only other time that I've found this to be less of a issue is when I'm doing my passion drummer stuff.  When I'm taking classes and am learning, some of this negative first impression apparently falls away because I meet many more people that are friendly toward me.  I am not conscious of the change in my personality when I'm following my passions, but others obviously are.  This is also true when I'm teaching.  It's strange.

For those that move beyond the first impression, and do become my friends, many have eventually confided that I was not the person they originally thought me to be.  My tough, impersonal, arrogant first impression isn't who I really am at the core of things, to those closest to me. But I sure wish I could figure out how to alter the first impression that I make.  I've changed an incredible amount of things in my life, and I hope that this will be no different.  I just need to figure out how and that's not a simple thing, at least not for me.

Therefore, just so you know, if you aren't yet my friend, keep in mind that my book doesn't really match my cover. But I'm working on that!

The Psychology Lover - Intro to My Boat

This past week I read my first ugly comment left on my blog. It was bound to happen. It was just a matter of time. Being someone that tends to take things to heart, it was difficult. I often put too much weight on what others think of me. Nothing I haven't said before. But this was just a plain and simple mean post, and it hurt. I didn't blog the rest of the week as a result. I didn't want to think about it. Eventually, though, I decided this was something I was going to have to work through and that's what I've done. The really interesting thing, for me, was how I did that.

It seems like a lifetime ago. I was married. I was abused. I was in a pretty horrible place and I was just trying to keep myself safe from the barrage of verbal/emotional abuse that I was inundated with on a daily basis from my spouse. During that dark time, I developed some tools that were instrumental in my getting healthy. They were tools, unbeknown to me at the time, about establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. These are tools that most emotionally abused individuals haven't effectively developed. Most such people go to a therapist and spend years learning these tools. I happened to stumble upon it myself one beautiful summer day when my husband was out of town.

My friend Tessa was talking to me over a chat app. I told her I felt particularly good and that I wished I could stay in that emotional place forever. She asked me to describe it. I said, "I feel like I'm out in the middle of a large body of water in a boat. I can see other boats out in the distance but I don't feel like I need to go to them. I think, yes, I do have oars in the boat. I could go to those boats if I wanted. But, I don't. I'm content to be right here, in my boat."

Over the next 6 months I developed on this concept of "My Boat." After my spouse returned, I used My Boat as a means of protection. First when he said hurtful things to me, I'd retreat when I could and I'd bring up a mental image of paddling my little boat out to the middle of that body of water. I'd paddle and paddle. And then, I'd just rest, there, by myself, in My Boat. I was safe.

Later, I added to this concept. As my spouse would say hurtful things, I could imagine me in My Boat and him in his boat, in my mind's eye, during the fight. Perhaps this is the trait of a female multi-tasking mind, as I'm not sure everyone is capable of doing this, but it became a very effective tool for me in learning to fight healthier.

During the fight, I'd try to translate the things he'd say to me into acts that he'd do in his boat to me in My Boat. For instance, he might say, "You're just lazy!" And I'd envision him ramming his boat into mine. He might say, "It's all about you, you don't care about me at all!" Depending upon the context of that message, I might envision him throwing a grappling hook into My Boat and pulling my boat around with his. Now this may not seem particularly useful at first glance. But let's take a deeper look.

Let's say he said, "I don't have any friends because you scared them all away." Without My Boat, I might become defensive, and say that I didn't scare his friends away, that I like his friends, that I am sorry he doesn't have friends and I'm sorry if it was because of me...and then I'd start doubting myself...as an emotional abuse victim, trust me, it always ends being the victims fault, even in the victims own mind.

BUT, try out this same scenario while in My Boat. He says, "I don't have any friends because you scared them all away." I translate the message into his boat and My Boat and see him scooping up water out of the bottom of his boat and trying to pour it into my boat. I immediately think, "Woah! That's not my water...that's YOUR water, YOU keep it!" Now, instead of the message above, I say to him, "If you think you don't have friends, that's your problem, not mine. Don't blame me for your problems." I've effectively just removed myself from accepting blame from my abuser. I have established a healthy boundary. Instead of the fight escalating into what a horrible person I am, the attempt at abusing me is thwarted. As time went on, I became better and better at this. The great thing that this did was it stopped me from being hurt from emotionally abusive garbage. I didn't need to internalize it. It never made it into My Boat. It never got past my established boundary.

There is more that I learned from My Boat, but it's not relevant to today's post. While I was sitting there, feeling bad about the hurtful anonymous little comment on my blog, the idea of My Boat came to mind. It was shocking, as I'd not thought (not needed to think) of My Boat for quite some time. But there it was. In reality, it makes perfect sense. That comment was abusive in nature. It was meant to hurt for no reason than to hurt, to take something from me and transfer it to the abuser. Plain and simple, that's how abuse works.

So I mentally climbed into My Boat. I looked at the blog comment and translated it into the anonymous writer's boat and My Boat. It was amazing. The hurt went away. Literally went away. I no longer owned those hurtful words. It wasn't about me. It was about that writer, that angry little anonymous writer. And I didn't need to expend any more personal energy on it. How liberating.