There Is No Rationalizing When Dancing With The Passion Drummer

This week I'm discovering the downside to dancing to the passion drummer. We all have times in our lives when we have obligations and tasks that are not enjoyable, but they are often pressing matters that must be done, however unpleasant. For those listening to the goal-oriented drummer, this becomes something you don't pay much attention to, because you learn to stay focused on your goals and you learn that you have to fight for the things you want and that accomplishing your goals often takes discipline and self-sacrifice. For those dancing to the passion drummer, the effects of doing something that isn't in alignment with a passion isn't something that can be as easily dealt with. I became intimately aware of this fact the past few weeks.

I happened to find my passion drummer on the week lull after completing midterm exams for my last two college courses to complete my college degree. Now that school is back in session, and I'm having to read assigned textbook chapters, study, complete homework, write reports and participate in online class discussions, I am experiencing a new type of "ugly." Why? Because I have come to the realization that completing my computer science degree is not in alignment with any of my passions, and, beside that, it has not been required for me professionally up to now, so it's likely that not having it not holding me back in discernible anyway. On top of that, neither Natural Science nor Macroeconomics are my cup'o'tea which is why I hadn't taken these two required courses until the very end.

I only had 6 weeks of class left to complete my degree requirements when I came to this realization that I didn't need a degree to be happy and fulfilled. As anyone in their right mind would tell you, it would be silly for me to withdraw from class at this point, even if I now dance to a drummer that clearly shows me this college degree is not relevant to my new way of valuated my investments in time/money/effort. I'm just too close to the goal line to walk away.

I now only have 4 weeks of class left and each consecutive week has become more of a burden, more challenging, and I even have found myself becoming resentful for how much time this homework is taking from my day. Try as I might, I cannot find any passion in this endeavor. I find myself becoming more unhappy with each night of studies. Now, after dancing with the passion drummer, knowing what it feels like to have days and days of effortless happiness, I REALLY don't like this dark feeling and I think somehow I am failing in my quest to dance to the passion drummer because I am becoming so unhappy due to school.

So I go to Roger and Jason today and I ask them what I'm doing wrong. Both of them told me that these types of tasks (Quadrant 1 tasks in Covey's Quadrants - Urgent and Important) that are not in alignment with passion, will require effort on my part to complete (tasks that are in alignment with passion never feel so much like effort as they do just plain having fun) and that joy will not be something likely to be experienced in the process. Both agreed that these tasks can be viewed as "necessary evils".

So, today, I came to understand that if you are doing something that you find no enjoyment in (not in alignment with any of your passions) and it's anything time consuming (something that can't be accomplished quickly), and you are truly dancing to your passion drummer, it is likely you will experience some degree of unhappiness, and perhaps even resentment for it taking you away from the passions in your life. This is normal.

The upside to this is that it completely reinforces your decision making to only pursue things that are in alignment with your vector of focus (passion) when dancing to the passion drummer. On the downside, when life gets in the way, and you have to do something that isn't a passion, the longer that task takes the more unhappiness you will experience. You just do it, and get it done so you move on to something more enjoyable.

Considering that I've always been an A student, and I used to love the accomplishment of getting good grades and learning pretty much anything, I still am coming to grips with this one. Roger points out that part of my problem is that I'm still investing the time necessary in my studies to get a high grade and that I could spend much less effort and still pass the course. Why I'm not compelled to slack a bit on my studies and take a lower grade so that I have more time to play with my passions is likely a remnant of the goal-oriented drummer (any job worth doing is worth doing well). The ROI isn't the same now, but I'm not entirely convinced that this remnant is a bad thing. I do understand now the new challenges I'll have in life dancing to the passion drummer are of a different nature than what I originally anticipated. There is no way of rationalizing your feelings away when dancing to the passion drummer. It just doesn't work that way like it does listening to the goal-oriented drummer.

Swimming Up Stream or Going With The Flow And Hitting Every Rock Along The Way

I can remember more times than not in my life struggling to reach my goals. I used to think it was "character building" to fight tooth and nail for something I set my sights on. "Nothing worth having is easy" was the motto that seemed to fit in my world.

Part of that lightbulb moment I had last week, when I first heard the passion drummer, was that I was unhappy because I was fighting a natural law of the universe. By constantly fighting to swim up river, I was missing out on life! When a fellow AFS member asked if it wasn't good to struggle, when talking of dancing with the passion drummer, my reaction was adamantly to the contrary. If you have to fight too hard, I said, it's likely a red flag that you're moving in the wrong direction. Now, that is not to say that there are those that fulfill their dreams after much fighting. What I'm saying is that you don't have to fight like that to feel fulfillment. And it's much more enjoyable to not struggle like that. It's less stressful. I've been looking for the non-stress approach to life for a very long time and this truly has been the key for me.

Many people have tried to stop swimming up stream, to "go with the flow", maybe just to try it out. Often they end up feeling like they are out of control or that they keep getting battered by the rocks and other hurdles of life. Even though they try to maneuver to avoid them, they're mostly unsuccessful. Battered and bruised, they say "this isn't for me" and they turn around and start swimming up stream again thankful to be done with the whole thing.

But it is very apparent that those that listen to the passion drummer's beat aren't battered and bruised. The rest of us watch them going with the flow and think they must be lucky, living charmed lives, that they can avoid all those rocks as they ride through life's often turbulent waters. You know what? They aren't avoiding those rocks! They run into those rocks just like everyone else. So, what's the difference? Why don't they get battered and bruised? It's all about focus.

I remember Jason saying, "I just let it go" and "I don't dwell on hard knocks unless I have some control over the outcome (in this he means the ability to directly change the outcome) and that outcome impacts my happiness." So they do hit the rocks, but they don't focus on the rocks. We, getting battered and bruised, are focusing on the rocks. We see the rocks. We try to avoid the rocks. We try to maneuver around them. We worry about hitting them, setting expectations for what might happen. And, when we can't avoid them and we hit them, then we are still focused on the rock and its impact. Not only does it impact our level of happiness but we're already focusing on the next rocks we see up ahead. In contrast, those charmed people also see the rocks, but they don't care. They are enjoying the ride so they keep going without really worrying about the rocks they see and eventually hit, because they've been focusing on the fun of the ride so the bumps don't have the same power to impact them. Theoretical, you say? Okay, let's look at an example.

The River (aka Life):
Let's say you're really good at something. Someone you know asks you to share the inner working of that skill with them because there is an upcoming opportunity in which that skill is needed, that you both would be interested in.

The Rocks (aka Risks/Challenges):
There is a chance that by sharing your knowledge with this other person that you'll lose out on some opportunities because this other person will get them.

The Freaks of Nature (aka Passion Drummer view)
If you're one of those people, there really is only one choice. Of course, you'd love to share your passion with that other person and teach them what you know. As long as it's enjoyable, you're "in" and happy for the interaction with someone that shares your passion. You know there is a chance that person will get an opportunity that you'd also like to have, but it is irrelevant to your motivation to have fun and share your passion so you don't give it a second thought.

The Battered and Bruised (aka Goal Drummer view)
If you're like the rest, you're pretty hesitant to share your valuable skills with the other person. Sure you'd probably enjoy showing them the ins and out of what you know, but you don't want to be used or taken advantage of, and you especially don't want to lose out on some really valuable opportunities that you've worked so hard at preparing for.

Rocks Up Ahead!
A) Going With The Flow and Getting Battered and Bruised (aka Goal Drummer choices)
You decide to share your knowledge despite your concerns and "better judgement." You're going to try to embrace this "going with the flow" thing. You're still a bit worried how this is all going to work out though. You're just hoping you're not going to regret it.

B) Maneuvering To Avoid The Rocks (aka Goal Drummer choices)
You decide not to share your knowledge with the other person because you see the trouble that it could cause later on and you have too much at risk, too much to lose. You see yourself as being a strategic thinker and proud of yourself for having avoided a potential pitfall.

C) Truly Going With The Flow (aka Passion Drummer choice)
You share your knowledge with the other person and have a really good time with them. You don't worry about what is going to happen down the road as a result of this interaction. The important thing is that you had fun.

The Rocks
A) Battered and Bruised
The other person gets that opportunity that would have been perfect for you. You knew you should have listened to your instincts and not let them use you! You saw this coming and you just let it happen. You really regret the choices you made. You feel taken advantage of and a little bitter. You will be more cautious in the future. You won't let this happen again!

B) Steering Clear
You get that 'perfect' opportunity, and you know you helped level the playing field by not sharing your skills with that other person. You feel like you are on top of the world. You have realized another goal, achieved another success.

C) Just Another Bump In The Road
You're new friend lands this great opportunity and you're really happy for them. Yes, you would have enjoyed that opportunity yourself, but, hey, it's no biggy. You are already really happy and in the whole scheme of things it really doesn't impact you. It's no skin off your back and besides, your friend and you have plenty to talk about these days as their new opportunity unfolds.

The Universe Works in Mysterious Ways (aka You Reap What You Sow)
A) Battered and Bruised and Bitter
You become a bit cynical over time. You struggle to feel good because of the bitterness that is pent up inside of you. You want more out of life and you feel like every time you turn around life hits you again with another challenge, another set back, another loss. You see your friends that stayed focused on their goals and the success they've realized and you envy them. You see those charmed people in your office that are high on life and you want to punch them most of the time just to wipe that smile off their face. You're miserable but you don't know how to get out of the life you're tied into.

B) Successfully Limited By Your Goals, Round and Round You Go!
You go on restricting and conserving yourself, only sharing yourself when it benefits you. Most of your connections with others are based on mutual opportunity. You've networked with all the successful people with similar mindsets. You're a winner. You make your moves with a strategic mind. No one is going to pull one over on you. You're successful. You achieve close to everything you set your mind to. You aren't aware of this, but by constantly focusing on setting and achieving your goals, you are only achieving your goals. You don't leave any room for other opportunities to come into your life because you can't see them, or you don't value them for what they are. You limit your personal development to that which you conceive. You definitely feel successful but somehow you always feel like there is something missing, and you're hoping to fulfill it with the accomplishment of that next goal.

C) Passion, Happiness, Fulfillment, and Other Things You Never Imagined For Yourself
While your friend is busy working on that new opportunity, out of the blue you get this email from someone you similarly helped out several years ago. You haven't heard from them in ages. They ask if you're available for this great opportunity that you never would have even thought was possible. This opportunity would never have been something you could have accepted if you were knee-deep in the first one that your friend got. This opportunity catapults you into a completely different and unexpected arena. You're now a leader in this field, not that you really tried to. It's really amazing how things work out. You don't really look for them, but they just seem to appear at the right time. You've becoming an expert in your field without really ever having to work at it, you just followed your passion. You develop lasting and meaningful relationships with others following their passions and in that way surround yourself with people with similar values and you all seem to help each other and learn and grow from each other. It's almost like "paying it foward." You love your life, you love what you do, you didn't really plan to be where you are. Frankly, you're a little amazed how things have worked out for you, but, hey, things always seem to have a way of working themselves out like this. You may not really think about it, but you just "get" how the universe works. No struggling. No fighting. Your needs are met. No worries. You are happy.

Those of you dancing to the goal drummer may think this is more than a tad bit silly. I used to. But I've seen all of these people described above in my life over and over again. I can tell you that I don't want to be A or B. I opt for C. I used to be a B, and at times was even an A when the chips were down. Mostly as a B, I found C's to be naive and vulnerable, or worse, just plain dumb. There was no way, I thought, that their happy-go-lucky meandering could be a superior approach to life than my carefully articulated and educated plans based on years of experience and knowledge development. Think again.

Somehow I found my way to personal fulfillment. I, by chance really, heard that passion drummer and took that other road. It's something I'll never regret. It has profoundly changed my life in just 8 days. I can't wait to see where this road less traveled takes me! I'm making choices still, I'm setting goals still, but I'm not limiting my experiences anymore or myself. I'm not fighting life anymore either. There is another approach with the passion drummer. Don't worry, be happy. I have to laugh as I write that last sentence, because I know what that sounds like to the goal drummer crowd.

Here's hoping to seeing you on the other side, dancing to your passion drummer!

What if you don't hear the beat of either drummer?

I've been marching to the beat of the goal drummer for so many years, I've pretty much forgotten what life was like before living for goals. I think I first heard the beat of the goal-oriented drummer in the summer break between 5th and 6th grades. That means I lived in a world permeated by that beat for more than 30 years. In comparison, I've only spent 8 days in the midst of the beat of the passion drummer. But being without either drummer is something I only vaguely remember.

It begs the question, what other drummers are out there, if any? I don't know the answer to that question. Do you have to have a drummer at all? No, I don't think you do. What kind of existence is that? I don't know that either. I do know that if those people without a drummer are looking to change because of an unmet need, these drummers are probably what they are looking for.

If someone is looking for personal fulfillment, happiness, inner peace and meaning in their lives, they are probably looking for the passion drummer.

If they are looking for financial security, accomplishments, control, influence, recognition or anything else associated with traditional views of success, then the goal drummer is likely the beat for them.

If a person is looking for something else, like loving their job, those come only after a period of time dancing with the passion drummer, I think...but I'm not there yet so let me get back to you on that.

If a person is looking to meet some other sort of need, I don't know if these drummers can help them.

I hear both drummers, but I only live by one (the passion drummer). The other (the goal drummer) is used as a maintenance task, a tool, and no longer a way of life. I focus on passion. I set goals to enhance the experiences related to that passion. Life is fulfilling, and that is paramount to me now, that is my focus.

Having Fun? Come Now, It Can't Be That Simple?! Really!?

We've all met a person or two that was insanely happy to be alive. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those odd ducks that love life, have passion in their work, and possess a positive energy so palpable that it is infectious to all those around them. I, for one, have always found these sorts of people to be a bit of an anomaly...freaks of nature if you will. I've heard some speculate that there is an actual "happy gene" that you either possess or do not possess, a precursor to whether you will be generally happy or disgruntled with life. That's just plain depressing, particularly for me, since I have spent most of my life believing I could be much happier and that's been a common theme for me...the pursuit of happiness. Last week I had one of those moments where you see things clearly in new ways that change your life. I call my new found knowledge "dancing with my passion drummer." I have not felt this level of sustained happiness ever before in my adult life. It's been a week, and I'm still just as excited about the revelation I've had. I want to share it with others, in hopes that others can find this inner peace that I now share with those "freaks of nature" that I'd never understood before. I understand them now. The problem is that I seemed to have crossed a chasm between two worlds, the old world that I lived in where I was searching for something that was missing in my life, and the new world where I'm genuinely happy and content, and now that I'm over here, I see how difficult it is to explain to those still on the other side how to cross that chasm themselves. The really frustrating thing is that it is so easy. The other really frustrating thing is that everything I want to say is stuff I heard from others that had made the transition but from the other side, it never really made sense, I never really "got it." So I sit here now trying to figure out how to explain what has just happened to me, how I found happiness, and how to provide those on the other side trying to get over here the information they need on how to do it. I wish that were as easy as it was to find this place, once I finally got it.

Shortly after I came to my discovery of how to be happy, how to dance with my passion drummer, I had several deeply profound discussions with my non-husband, Jason. He, being one of those freaks of nature (always happy about life), had tried for years to help me find my passion drummer. During those talks he told me that he honestly thought I didn't care to find happiness, that I actually LIKED the spinning around in circles that I've described in earlier blog posts. That isn't true of course and he knew it, but he couldn't find any other explanation for why I wasn't doing it. Looking back, I guess I just never bought into the whole idea. I thought it too simple and too shallow to actually hold any value. I thought I was already on the right road (to happiness) and that I just needed to try a bit harder. I guess, in a way, I thought I was smarter than to follow the freaks of nature...that I had it all figured out already and "knew better." I see that sort of thing in others now, in those on the other side. It's hard for me to see that in them, because I know how self-defeating that type of thought process is, and I know it's never going to get them where they want to be. It can't. It never will. But the good news is that it is a choice. A simple choice, deceptively simple in fact.

During my discussions with Jason, I discovered something that is a prime difference between the freaks of nature and the rest of us still in the pursuit of happiness. I remember a time when my high school creative writing instructor, Mr. Rowe, stopped me in the hallway and asked why I wasn't enrolled in any of his writing classes my junior year. I told him I didn't have room for his electives because I needed to take the new computer classes that were being offered. In my mind, I was making a "smart" choice, because I knew that a career in computer science would be lucrative and frankly I was tired of growing up poor. Mr. Rowe looked at me in disbelief that quickly turned to anger. He said, "As far as I'm concerned, you're flushing a perfectly good talent down the tubes." He slapped his notebook and portfolio together in a definitive crack and walked off. Until that moment, I didn't really know Mr. Rowe found talent in my writing. I got A's in his class, but I got A's in all my classes. I never talked to Mr Rowe again and I didn't continue writing, even though I loved it and still do. The moral of the story is: I gave up a passion for writing, to pursue a goal of financial security. I asked Jason during our talks if he would ever consider giving up what he enjoyed, to reach a goal. He said, without pause, "absolutely not." That is the prime difference between us. Happy people do not sacrifice happiness to reach a goal. If the goal isn't in line with their happiness, they don't have that goal. It's that simple.

There is no mathematical formula here linking happiness with success. All people that are happy are not successful (in traditional terms of success...think: "the starving artist") and not all people that are successful in traditional terms of wealth and power are happy (think: "millionaire commits suicide, news at 11"). What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to be rich to be happy and you don't have to be happy to be rich. But the people we aspire to be are those that are rich AND happy. From my observations, I don't think one is dependent upon the other. I also believe you can attain them in either order (success first or happiness first). The problem with this is the apparent goals to become rich are often in direct conflict with those of being happy. This is where most of us check out when the freaks of nature tell us to just be happy, to enjoy life and to stop trying so hard. We can't fathom doing that because we have goals, I tell you and we're not giving up on them!! What I'm telling you is that these people that are happy and rich do not sacrifice happiness to obtain success. They are just having fun and in the process of playing with their passion, dancing to their passion drummer, the universe has seen fit to provide them with what they need. Feels like a gamble? It did to me too. But now that I'm here, looking across the chasm to the other side, I can see there really is no other way to be happy.

I was recently in a workshop in which the instructor, a full-time artist, told me that when she followed her passion to create what she loved, she found success in the material sense, but as soon as she tried to create for the masses (to please others instead of herself) she found that success quickly died. It's not a particularly intuitive thing for us goal-oriented sorts, but it is one of the key secrets of the universe as I've come to understand it. So just have fun. If you meet someone and you have fun around them, if you enjoy their company, be their friend. And if you meet someone and afterward you "feel the ugly," don't be their friend (even if your goal-oriented mind tells you this is the type of person you should be networking with, or a valuable contact to get your foot in the door somewhere). If it doesn't feel good, don't pursue it. Do the same with job opportunities. With hobbies. With studies. With goal setting. Yes, you will give up opportunities. And they may feel like the "right" opportunities. But by leaving your plate open instead of filling it with those unhappy experiences, with those seemingly right opportunities, you leave yourself open for other experiences of your choosing, that make you happy, and opportunities that are truly meant for you. In the end, you end up following your dreams, without ever having set a goal, and you will be happy before the goal is reached not just afterwards. Now add to that, actually setting goals that are in alignment with what you enjoy and just imagine the possibilities. This is not rocket science. But I tell you that I know with every fiber of my being that this knowledge and acting (via choices) on that knowledge has changed my life. Yes, it really is that simple.

Feeling The Ugly

In these first days of true happiness, dancing to the beat of a new drummer, the passion drummer, I have been asked more often than not what my strategy is going to be to not fall back into my old ways, to not start dancing with my old familiar, the goal-oriented drummer. I can see how this might be a big concern to someone. But oddly enough, this hasn't been a problem for me. All the reinforcement I'll ever need to keep dancing to the passion drummer is right here, and it rears its nasty head on a regular basis. I like to call it "feeling the ugly."

You know that "thing" you feel when you start wondering what you're missing, that void within yourself that you yearn to fill? That's "feeling the ugly." As soon as I feel the ugly, I know that I'm dancing to the wrong drummer's beat. It really is that simple. When I feel unfulfilled, I realize I'm focusing on the future, placing expectations upon myself, and not living in the moment and focusing on passion, enjoyment and having fun.

Sure "feeling the ugly" has been a catalyst to good things in my life. Feeling the ugly has spurred me into creating any number of goals in my life that I went on to accomplish. And I think feeling the ugly can and should be used to help determine which goals you want to set for yourself. I'm all for goal setting and self-exploration. What I don't want to ever happen again in my life is to think that feeling (the ugly) is anything but a want for something not yet attained. It isn't anything I need to internalize as some sort of failure in myself, some sort of missing puzzle piece in my psyche, or some sort of measure of success. It's simply the mechanism by which I know it's time to start another cycle of dance with the goal-oriented drummer. It's then that I stop and listen for the passion drummer.

The passion drummer could give two rips about the ugly. Sure, we have goals but they have no bearing on happiness or self-worth. Sure we have wants but those things not yet attained aren't going to make us any happier than we already are. Why? Because we're already happy, we're already having fun! So every time I feel the ugly (which still happens a half-dozen times or more each day), I realize what it is I'm doing and I stop and I find the passion in that moment, and that alone quiets the ugly. It's the simplest, most beautiful of Geiger counters for happiness!

Hi I'm Tracy, I'm a Problem Solver, I'm a Fast Learner, and I'm Creative

Before our first AFS lunch, I thought I understood something important about myself, about my inner-workings. I'd spent a great deal of time analyzing and searching for my purpose...my passion. Although I hadn't yet figured out what my passion was yet, I had come up with a few attributes about myself that I thought captured important aspects that would be incorporated in that passion whatever it ended up being. Those attributes were the things I shared during our introductions at the AFS lunch. "Hi I'm Tracy, I haven't found my passion yet, but I do know that I'm a Problem Solver, I'm a Fast Learner, and I'm Creative. I'm here today because I am hoping that by surrounding myself with like-minded people I'll learn the skills that I need to achieve my goals and find true happiness and fulfillment." Okay, I'm a bit more long-winded than that, but that was the essence of my intro.

After listening to the introductions from the others at the lunch, I was pretty shocked to learn that EVERYONE (except for Roger) felt their passions also incorporated being a good problem solver, being a good learner, and being a creative mind. Here I thought I was identifying unique attributes about myself. But all seven of us had the same attributes. It was a common theme, a profile if you will, of those searching for success and personal fulfillment in a most serious manner. We had come to different conclusions about how to leverage those traits, but we were all still talking about the same base traits. I realized that I had stumbled upon something important.

Later that day, I heard the beat of "the passion drummer" for the first time. It was a paradigm shift in which I finally grasped that my old "goal drummer" had led me astray. In my opinion, the goal drummer has lead all of us goal-oriented souls astray. We feel something is lacking in our life. We want meaning. We want purpose. We want fulfillment. We have learned that to fix things in our life, we must identify the problem, analyze it (troubleshooting), come up with a strategy to fix it (a goal), and go about reaching the goal (learn the new skills needed to accomplish the new goal). We feel great (usually) when we accomplish the goal, but it's short-lived. Not long after the glow of accomplishment is gone, we're back to feeling something is missing again. We reassess our situation, identify the problem, analyze it, set a goal to fix it, and set off toward the new goal line. We do this over and over and over. I, for one, was getting pretty frustrated. I invested so much time and effort in this process that some days that best way for me to feel good was to make sure I checked a couple things off my to-do list. I actually felt a small slice of "happy" just by checking something off my list. It was my little treat to myself. I thought I was being clever. Seriously!

Now I see that the repetition of that goal-oriented cycle: (I feel something is missing, Analyze the something, Set a goal to fix the something, Achieve the goal to master the something, Feel a short-lived happy, Rinse and Repeat).
Now I see that repetition cultivates specific skills. Problem solving skills. Thinking outside the box. Being creative. Finding patterns in the seemingly unrelated. Being a fast learner. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. Being driven. Being a go-getter. I realized then that we shared these base traits because we are completing the same goal-oriented cycle over and over again so of course we had developed the same skills. The sad thing is that long lasting happiness isn't found in the goal oriented cycle (or dancing to the goal drummer as I like to say). It isn't designed to, nor can it. Why? Because happiness isn't a task. It isn't a checklist item. It isn't something you set out to find or achieve. It's a state of being. It is a mindset. Oh, yes, we've all heard this a billion times before. Slow down and enjoy the process. Don't forget to smell the roses. It's the journey not the destination. But, before this week, I thought that was just another check list item. So I tried to incorporate that into my cycle, my goal oriented cycle. Learn to enjoy learning. Learn to enjoy accomplishing my goals. Make a conscious effort to acknowledge my own accomplishments. What a silly girl I was! The goal drummer had me running in circles, had me thinking that my life was going to be fulfilling by way of efficient processes and well constructed goals and finding enjoyment in running in circles!

Yes, today I still have goals. And, yes, I'm really good at planning, analyzing, and achieving them. But that is just a maintenance task in my life. It's not going to (ever) bring me happiness. I'm happy today because I am listening to the beat of the passion drummer. I choose to follow and focus on that which brings enjoyment. I choose to see myself in this moment as whole and I choose to have fun. I am not left wanting for things not yet done. Those tasks aren't going anywhere. They'll be there tomorrow and the next day and the next until I get to them. Whether I do them at all really becomes irrelevant in my level of happiness in this moment. The passion drummer beats on, oblivious to what is done or undone. There is no expectation to fulfill anything, and in that is where I found fulfillment and happiness, in that place where I dance with the passion drummer. In the 48-hours since I found the passion drummer, I have been happy. Not just some of that time. But deep and sustained happiness for this entire period. This is going to change my life in ways I can't yet fathom. Thanks for providing a place for me to share my journey!

Rita's Soldering Workshop

After the Silver Fusing class I took a while back over at Blue Moon Glassworks, I decided I wanted to attempt soldering again. My first few experiences with soldering had been pretty negative and I was almost phobic when it came to torch work. But after the glass bead lampwork glasses and then Gwen's Silver Fusing class, I really felt like I needed to give it another chance. I'd heard several people say really good things about a local artist here in Austin that holds soldering workshops. Her name is Rita Marie Ross. She has two day workshops in which she teaches design, sawing, sanding/grinding, soldering, placing and setting bezels, and polishing.

I could not recommend this class more to a beginner looking for great one-on-one instruction. You come away from this class with a one-of-a-kind piece of jewelry, as well as coming away super confident and educated about the torch, and everything else that went into the process of making your first original piece. Another really unexpected thing that I didn't feel very comfortable with initially, but which ended up being something I was extremely thankful for as things progressed through the workshop, was that Rita really pushes you to think outside the box and come up with a design that really reflects you unique personal artistic vision, not just something you'd buy out of a catalog.

After it was finished, we were looking at some of the other pieces I brought in to show her and found that a green piece of viking knit I'd already made worked perfectly with it, so I went home that night, added an extension of jens pind chain weave to get the length I wanted and finished the piece with a fancy store bought clasp. I think my first finished piece is really stunning, very unique, and something I will always cherish as a huge milestone in my creative arts education.

Thank you, Rita, for a wonderful workshop, excellent instruction, and a genuinely fun experience.

Advanced Kumihimo

I took the Advanced Kumihimo class at Nomadic Notions, taught by my fav, Mick Mcnulty. Again I found myself taking this home and making strand after strand. I didn't do the featured class project though where beads are added periodically throughout the weaved piece, but instead did all of mine with one bead per weave move so that the weave is nearly invisible as the entire strand is just beads. With the green and blue strand, I used different size beads which created texture and a very different look. The others are all with the same size beads but just different bead color positioning changes which makes a different pattern in the final product just like regular kumihimo (without the beads).

I'm guessing Mick didn't like me talking in class and interrupting the other students that needed to really focus on what they were doing, so she asked (er, told?) me to work on hers for awhile. OMG! She had these steel washer weights on each of her plastic bobbins and it totally changed the whole experience. What an improvement. I went straight to Home Depot after work the following day and picked up washers and glued them on with E6000. It completely changes the tension of the piece and makes the whole thing much more even. Only problem is Bosley, my cowardly cocker spaniel, was already afraid of that big white disk, but now with the clanking of the washers he won't even get up on the couch when I'm weaving :(

Finding the Other Drummer Is Like Finding My Boat, All Over Again!

I've spent the past 40 years dancing to the beat of a drummer like that of most of my peers. The drummer is keeping the goal-oriented beat. I'm living with a partner, Jason, and working with another man, Roger, that dance to the beat of a different drummer. Today, while driving in a car after an AFS lunch hosted by Curtis Wayne, I heard the beat of that other drummer for the first time in my adult life, while trying to articulate the differences between Roger and Jason compared to the rest of us. Their drummer (Jason's and Roger's) is keeping the passion-oriented beat. At this very moment, I, for the first time, understand that I will never truly attain what I've been trying to find for myself (personal success/happiness) because I'm listening to the wrong drummer's beat. Happiness, true all encompassing happiness, and true good fortune will be had by me only after I start focusing on the other drummer's beat. The passion beat. It isn't about goals. It isn't about rewards. It isn't about accomplishment. It is choice that is made on a completely different level of evaluation and valuation. It is about giving out into the universe with passion and without thought of benefit/ROI simply for the sharing of an experience. It is sharing for the love of it, whatever "it" may be. The energy that is put forth in that moment, will ultimately come back to you in ways that you cannot predict, and will provide you with that which you need and perhaps aren't yourself even aware of yet as a remote possibility or something you even want. It is the way of the universe. You reap what you sow.

In our society, we are taught to be goal-oriented, to make choices using a decision-making structure that keeps beat with the goal-oriented drummer. Dancing to the passion drummer is frowned upon in our society. When we see people that have attained notable success and happiness by way of the passion drummer (primarily) we often mark it down as "luck" or "leading a charmed life" and we prescribe that it is silly to follow in those footsteps to attain our own fulfillment, because we've been taught from a young age to attain things by reaching goals, so surely happiness is no different, just set another goal. Oh, how I at this very moment see so clearly the flaw in this! We can never fulfill this desire by way of the goal-oriented drummer. It is the passion drummer that leads to the path we so crave. I hear it, and its beat is nearly incomprehensible to my virgin ears. But I know with ever fiber in my being, that I have struck gold.

About seven years ago, I sat in my cubicle in a simple moment where I found a concept that profoundly changed my world (my "being in my boat" concept), how I looked at things, how I made choices and it was the catalyst for change in my life on levels that are difficult to articulate but have completely allowed me to make a new life for myself. Today, I recognize that I have once again found myself in my cubicle in a simple moment where I have found a concept that I know will profoundly change my world once again. I am so very grateful for the chance to be on the cusp of something so great. I can feel it because I've been here before at a different point in my life, with a different lesson to uncover and so I understand the relevance of this moment, this discovery, this juxtaposition in my view of my world and the profound impact I know it will have.

I write this for myself, so I do not forget this moment, so that I spend time in the near future to explore it, to meditate on it, to nurture its growth until it takes on a life of its own, a life of transformation.

My Passion Drummer

I've spent the past 40 years dancing to the beat of a drummer like that of most of my peers. The drummer is keeping the goal-oriented beat. I'm living with a partner, Jason, and working with another man, Roger, that dance to the beat of a different drummer. Today, while driving in a car after an AFS lunch hosted by Curtis Wayne, I heard the beat of that other drummer for the first time in my adult life, while trying to articulate the differences between Roger and Jason compared to the rest of us. Their drummer (Jason's and Roger's) is keeping the passion-oriented beat. At this very moment, I, for the first time, understand that I will never truly attain what I've been trying to find for myself (personal success/happiness) because I'm listening to the wrong drummer's beat. Happiness, true all encompassing happiness, and true good fortune will be had by me only after I start focusing on the other drummer's beat. The passion beat. It isn't about goals. It isn't about rewards. It isn't about accomplishment. It is choice that is made on a completely different level of evaluation and valuation. It is about giving out into the universe with passion and without thought of benefit/ROI simply for the sharing of an experience. It is sharing for the love of it, whatever "it" may be. The energy that is put forth in that moment, will ultimately come back to you in ways that you cannot predict, and will provide you with that which you need and perhaps aren't yourself even aware of yet as a remote possibility or something you even want. It is the way of the universe. You reap what you sow.

In our society, we are taught to be goal-oriented, to make choices using a decision-making structure that keeps beat with the goal-oriented drummer. Dancing to the passion drummer is frowned upon in our society. When we see people that have attained notable success and happiness by way of the passion drummer (primarily) we often mark it down as "luck" or "leading a charmed life" and we prescribe that it is silly to follow in those footsteps to attain our own fulfillment, because we've been taught from a young age to attain things by reaching goals, so surely happiness is no different, just set another goal. Oh, how I at this very moment see so clearly the flaw in this! We can never fulfill this desire by way of the goal-oriented drummer. It is the passion drummer that leads to the path we so crave. I hear it, and its beat is nearly incomprehensible to my virgin ears. But I know with ever fiber in my being, that I have struck gold.

About seven years ago, I sat in my cubicle in a simple moment where I found a concept that profoundly changed my world (my "being in my boat" concept), how I looked at things, how I made choices and it was the catalyst for change in my life on levels that are difficult to articulate but have completely allowed me to make a new life for myself. Today, I recognize that I have once again found myself in my cubicle in a simple moment where I have found a concept that I know will profoundly change my world once again. I am so very grateful for the chance to be on the cusp of something so great. I can feel it because I've been here before at a different point in my life, with a different lesson to uncover and so I understand the relevance of this moment, this discovery, this juxtaposition in my view of my world and the profound impact I know it will have.

I write this for myself, so I do not forget this moment, so that I spend time in the near future to explore it, to meditate on it, to nurture its growth until it takes on a life of its own, a life of transformation.